Rainbows (children suffering loss)
Rainbows at Noah's Ark - Tuesdays
Rainbows is a programme structured to enable and help children talk through their feelings with other children who are experiencing similar situations through loss-bereavement, separation, divorce or any other painful loss in their family. The Rainbows programme helps by providing a safe setting with adult facilitators and provides materials-journals, story books, games and activities-to help lead them gently through the grieving process.
Rainbows is for 4 - 11 year olds
The groups are small with two adult facilitators for every three to six children: meetings range from thirty minutes to one hour, depending on the child's age. The meetings are usually scheduled for after school. We provide a snack and a drink at the beginning of the meetings as they all gather from their various schools. There are six weekly meetings followed by a 'Celebrate Me Day', a further six weeks and a final 'Celebrate Me Day'.
The National Director of Rainbows (an international not-for-profit organisation which provides peer support for children and young adults who have experienced a significant loss in their lives) writes, " I have given training to various people at the Noah's Ark Counselling Centre, Halifax. These people receive the necessary training and skills to run a structured programme for the children who come each week to the Centre.
I have been very impressed by the care and concern these people show and give to the many children. Evidence of this has been recorded by the evaluations both from the children and their parents. Noah's Ark is doing a very needed and valued service to the damaged and broken children in our society".
CHILDREN AND PARENTS
Children are a most precious gift. They are the hope of the future.
Parents are a child's primary teachers. They teach not only words and physical movement but also how to relate, how to care for others and how to love self. As the child develops physically and emotionally, she or he also develops feelings of security within the family. It is in the family situation where a child's personal identity is formed.
When something significant happens in the family, every member is affected. When a death or divorce takes place, the event can have a profound effect on the children. They also grieve. However, a grieving child struggles to put into words the complex emotions felt inside.
GRIEF
Grief is a natural human reaction to any significant loss. The loss could be as simple as moving from a neighbourhood or to a new school, or as complex as a family separation, divorce, or a loved person dying. During the journey through life, there are many turning points or crises that may cause the experience of grief. The grief process must be allowed to happen. If it is ignored or "buried" it becomes "unresolved grief" and can have a destructive effect on one's life.
It is important to pass through each of the following five stages of grief so that life may go on. These are times of pain, bitterness and tears and can take years to resolve. The stages are not timed, smooth or orderly
- Denial: a period of rejecting or not believing what is taking place. "This can't be happening to me".
- Anger: a deep-seated rage over what is happening. The anger can be displayed in all directions or projected at random. It is essential to express this anger, yet it must be done in appropriate ways. "Why me?"
- Bargaining: an attempt to exchange something freely given up for something that is wanted. It is an effort to postpone or stop the inevitable. "If only…" or "What if…"
- Depression: when life seems out of control. It happens when reality of the situation sets in, a feeling of being unable to cope. "What's the use!"
- Acceptance: learning to live with the changes. It is time when the bereaved no longer dwell on the past, but looks to the future with hope. "Life goes on".
One of the best ways to work through grief is to share the experience with someone we trust. Participating in a support group with others experiencing the same struggles and feelings can be very beneficial.
It is difficult for a child to adjust to a new family unit as it is for an adult. However, a child from a single parent family can grow into a healthy, responsible and emotionally stable adult if she/he is guided through the grief process with understanding, acceptance and love.
PARENTING
Children are the most precious gift. Your relationship with your child is a lifelong commitment. Parenting is exhilarating but also a great responsibility as you seek to create an environment in which your child can become a unique person. Below are some suggestions to help in the parenting role.
Spend time together.
Children need to know that you are available to listen to them and share in their lives; that you will listen with complete attention and without judgement.
Be active in your child's life.
Support as many of your child's activities as you can such as school parent evenings or functions, sports, music, drama or other interests. Spend some active time together.
Meet regularly with your family.
This is an effective way to handle conflicts and avoid building up anger and frustration. Such meetings could be structured and held over meal time. They can be used to discuss different family matters such as holidays, new purchases, changes to the home, or problems that have arisen with any member of the family. Be careful to ensure that each child has the opportunity to contribute. Take turns in talking and do not interrupt each other. Make decisions altogether. In this way, everyone will feel that they belong and are important.
Effective discipline.
A child needs to be loved. When children get into trouble or misbehave, it is normally a symptom of something else going on inside.
Be consistent in discipline. Be careful not to let your mood govern your attitude to discipline
If you over react or misjudge, admit it. Never be afraid to say "I'm sorry".
Never threaten to make your child leave home as a form of punishment
Never abandon your child. If matters get out of control, seek help
When necessary apologies first. This takes courage but can be disarming and produces harmony in the family.
Support one another.
The family is important to every member for it is a place where we can feel accepted and loved. You do not have to agree with each other. But you can accept each other.
Tell members of the family what you appreciate about them. Say "please" and "thank you" to your children. Keep the non-custodial parent informed about your child. When ever possible, a child needs both parents in her/his life. Don't criticise family members of a former spouse
Children need practical love.
Remember how you felt when you were a child.
Think about what you would like your child's memories of growing up to be and act accordingly
Encourage your child in all things. Build self-confidence and self-worth. Focus on positive strengths
Respect your child. This lays the foundations of self-respect
Avoid favouritism among siblings
Have faith in your child. This will help them to have faith in themselves
Accept your child's strengths and weaknesses
Noah's Ark Counselling Centre is here to provide a professional counselling service to the community. We offer one-to-one counselling and couples counselling in a variety of areas including family difficulties